Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
