Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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