You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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