She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
