I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
