well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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