well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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