omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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