Dual....:-)
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
