ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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