Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
