i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
