He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
