Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
