we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
