She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
