My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
3pm strippers are depressing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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