just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
