I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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