only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
