You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
