Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
