He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
