mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
