I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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