Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
