after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
