hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize