I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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