I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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