cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
