I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
