i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
