During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
