I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
