tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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