there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
