Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
