I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
