I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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