My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
