he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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