i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize