Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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