I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
