Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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