And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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