grandma shit on top of the toilet
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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