So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
