she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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