this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
