I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just high enough for therapy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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