You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
