We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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