saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I touched a dick in church today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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