I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
