Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize