You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
