the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize