Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
