I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
