It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sarcasm needs its own font
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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