i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
