I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
