He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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