there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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