she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
