i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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