"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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