so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
