I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
