Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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